I know I’ve already done a time travel blog but I came across something very exciting.  It’s a “How to” instruction manual on how to make a time machine.  You can probably imagine how excited I am.  It came to me just in time too.  Until recently I’ve been too afraid t0 travel through time for fear that I would make a rift in the space time continuum.  Now I’m too damned old to care.  I want to be rich.  Car collection rich, not Oprah rich but retire early rich.  Here’s my plan…..

I’m going back thirty years to the capitol hill  McDonalds in Denver where Craig managed in the 1980’s.  I’m going to introduce myself as his destiny.  If he doesn’t believe it  I’ll tell him all about his family, that should do it.  And if not I’ll pull out the blue print.  No denying it now.  Isn’t this amazing?  I will then convince him to buy stocks in Apple.

So if the next time you here about us being totally rich it worked.

 

Most of you who know me think of me as a very virile macho construction type he man.  You’d be shocked to know that shoes make me happy.  There, that feels good.  My shrink said I’d feel better if I made it public.  Me and my shoes are out of the closet.

I love designer shoes and have absolutely no place to wear them.  I wear my work boots every day and usually still have them on while undressing for bed hoping to dream of walking into a nice restaurant sporting my new Cole Hanns.

I have shoes made by a local designer and the heel is domed, not flat.  Walking in them feels like you stepped  in dog poop but they look fabulous.  And yes, I have a matching belt for every pair.  I don’t have a belt fettish but one must look well put together doesn’t one.

I know you want to see some of my shoes.  Here goes.

 

 

Well I’d better get back to building my deck and overhauling my car and by the way, my work boots are usually pretty fabulous too.

 

 

 

 

 

I started my current job as a young 44 year old.  11 years later I feel used and washed up.  I’m sure many jobs are like that but most jobs are missing something that mine has.  A free table.

I work at a hud subsidized senior apartment complex.  When I started this job I was very naive and made instant friends with many of the residents.  Most that I cared deeply about have died.  I still have my favorites but I am not as deeply invested and I’ve developed a “what ever” attitude.

I’ve learned that age does not always bring wisdom and that most who were troubled teenagers are old troubled people.  There are the people who fight for justice and the ones who just want vengeance.  There are the aging hippies who just demand all of the government perks they fought against in the sixties.  These are people between 65 and death who still pay for renters insurance when they can afford very little else.

Most of the residents have family and or people who love them but when it comes right down to it most are easily forgotten.  This brings me to our free table.  This is an actual table that people bring their items to that they no longer  want or need.  Sometimes it has three 8 track tapes and a single shoe lace or last years calendar and an old vinyle purse.  Sometimes when a resident dies you get a table full of all those things they paid good money to insure. So the free table is a constant reminder that no matter how hard you work and how precious you think your things are you end up without any of it.

Anybody want a box full of LP’s and my grandmother’s portrait when she was 3?

 

 

Nuff said.

I haven’t blogged for a while because I crashed the Dell, and nobody seems to be blogging anymore anyway.  I bought myself a Mac because I love my iEverything.  Sadly I thought that set up and operation  would be a complete no brainer.  I’m an iPad wiz don’t cha know.

So… I’m going to try to do a very low key Mac Blog.  We’ll call it the Mac attack.  Can I do it?  Dough know.  Here goes.

Posting a picture.

We went to the pool to get some sun and eye candy.  Wish you could see it.  Jan. 3 and 70 degrees.

    …………………………………………….What?………………………………………..

Here’s are reynolds wrap christmas tree.       Going out of control.Maybe ill do this again later on.  I here they’re coming out with a much more friendly apple that I might be able to use.  It’s called the mAcdAddy.

 

 

What are dreams all about?  They are so fragmented and random.  We all have the “going to school naked” dream but can remember little of the detail.

Two nights ago I had a dream that I actually remembered and then last night I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to remember what I had just dreamed.  That would have involved grabbing a pen and writing down a highlight of the dream but I didn’t want to become that awake .  So here’s a blog based on one dream and the laziness that didn’t make it two.

I was a guest in a Filipino wedding.  This wedding started out with a little dancing that turned into a Cirque du Soleil number which I loved.

The show was great but we had to leave quickly because another show was starting for the remaining guests and we had to hurry to dinner and an open bar.  My kids decided they didn’t want Filipino food so I gave them my cell phone and sent them on their way.   Where was their way?

Of course without a cell phone I’m lost, so I borrowed my aunt Kathy’s Phone.  It was broken but if you held it just right you could make a connection.

 

The only problem was  that I was connecting to the front desk of the Filipino restaurant which we were all being herded into.

Every time I tried to make a call the hostess would scold me and hang up.

I did make it to the front door but they didn’t let me in because I was a man.  Me and my dear aunt decided we would get on a train and go somewhere.  We boarded and started our journey.  Not long into the trek we went through a tunnel and when coming out  the landscape was stunning but soon we were slowed by a girl and her water buffalo on the tracks.

They were in no hurry to get out of the way and this is where the 55 year old bladder kicks in.  The rest of the dream consists of one pee shy experience after another until I wake up and deal with the 300 yard walk to the bathroom at 4:00 in the morning.

So my self analysis is that I’m a bad father that uses his favorite relatives but needs to slow down.  Ya think?

When I was in High School I would think about the year 2000.  I thought about how old I’d be and decided that 42 was too old to enjoy the benefits of the Jetson era.  I’m now 55 and enjoying life much more than I ever have.  I’m still the same kid and haven’t done a whole lot of growing up.  This very day I was listening to Take 6 with guest Brian McKnight fantasizing that I was Brian and take six was backing me up as I sang my heart out for all the residents at my work.  What are we supposed to do at 55?

The one thing that I never thought I would see in my lifetime is Gay marriage.  You grow up with persecution and alienation and just figure that’s your lot in life.  To be on an equal playing field is hard for me to even grasp.  Things are moving so fast and it’s really exciting.  I think I’ll stick around awhile to see what happens.

I was raised in an Ozzie and Harriet type atmosphere.  I had no idea what real life was all about.  I thought soap operas were far fetched.  When I got out on my own I started paying attention to other people’s family dynamics.  Sisters actually fought with brothers and it seems that everyone but me had a crazy aunt.

Now that I have been around the block and the other block and the block next to that one I’ve formed some conclusions about why people are the way they are.  My family from every outside angle was perfect but on the inside we didn’t know each other.  We didn’t know how.  The end result of that is a huge family that really doesn’t care about each other.

The reason I’m blogging about family is that we have a new member.  Eric  has a fiance  named Taryn.  We got to meet her a year or so ago but Eric has known her since High School.

I’ve been spying on her through face book and I can tell you I’m thrilled for her and Eric.  She sings in a band and is a great photographer and is very creative.

 

The point is that our family is very diverse but every one of us is worth getting to know.  I’m looking forward to getting to know her.

And she makes my baby boy very happy.  That makes me very happy.

 

 

 

 

Sitting hear on the nuclear missile targeted west coast makes me remember the cold war.  People building bomb shelters and worrying daily about an attack.  When I was a kid  I picked out a closet over the stairs to hide from the Russians in.  Do the people in Switzerland ever have these worries?  Have they ever?  What makes most of the world hate us so much.  Is it that we want to tell everybody else what they should and shouldn’t be doing?  God bless America but mind your business.

I love the US but we have our own problems.  People shoot each other at will and we have to wonder if more strict gun laws are appropriate.  Really?  We are not  the biggest military in the world but we are the most aggressive and we spend far more than any other country on it.

It would be lovely if every person in the world could have the free speech and other opportunities that Americans have but I’m not sure that they want it badly enough to lay down there lives for it even though we think they should.

In my life I have defused angry situations by saying “what can I do for you”?   What can I do to help you get what you want?

LETS DO THAT.

 

 

Spring comes early to Nor Cal.  We have already had tulips and daffodils come and go.  We’ve also seen lots of popcorn popping on the apricot tree.  Plum trees make pink popcorn.

Along with the excitement that summer is just around the corner comes the panic of the upcoming public pool side pageantry.

If you are over 50 there are a few extra steps you might want to take.  First off get there early.  Preferably while it’s still dark.  Choose a chaise lounge carefully.  Make sure as you lay on it your head is below your feet and then let gravity do the rest.  Consult your drag queen friends about how to hide the duct tape.  You’ll need to use it to pull the skin on your face back as far as it will go without too much blood shed.  The queens will know how to hide the tape with concealer that’s perfect with your skin tone.  Be careful not to smear sun screen on the hidden tape. The concealer isn’t water proof.   You should never get in the pool.  Not only does Satan rule the water but your bronzer will leave an unsightly ring around the pool.  Always wear a hat.   Mainly to hide the tape – it’s not so much about sun damage. Have a towel handy in case you have to stand up.  Wrap the towel around your neck and drape it over your sagging nipples.  Nobody wants to see that.

The Europeans have lovely sandals that are appropriate for pool side.  Get some.  No more flip flops as they don’t cover your nasty fungus toe nails.  If you somehow feel it necessary to wear a Speedo you need to backcomb your pubic hair as to smooth out the lumps and bumps and give the area more visual interest.  Here’s the biggest tip of all.  If you here someone call out “grandpa” don’t sit up and look around.