The Mormon church is more than just a religion, it’s a life-style.  It consumes you.  You live, eat, drink, and think Mormon every waking hour.  It’s not a bad life-style, in fact I was very happy for a time.  It turned out to be my greatest ally and refuge.  I grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly Mormon save a couple of families.  It was like being Amish with TV’s.   One family was Mexican and there was a petition going around the neighborhood before they moved in to try to keep them out.  They came anyway and I don’t think they were ever befriended by anyone.  Another outcast family (non-Mormon) shared a fence with my house.  The Yagulls.  We were discouraged from talking to them or playing with their kids.  I was actually a little frightened of them.

One day I was riding my bike bare foot and of course wasn’t wearing a helmet.   I was coming down a hill quite fast and got my foot caught in the spokes.  Yes, I did a face plant on the pavement and my foot didn’t look so great either.  I laid in the middle of the road screaming and even though Mr.Yagull’s house wasn’t the closest he was the one who came out and picked me up and carried me home.  We still weren’t very nice to them and wrote them nasty notes about there barking dog.  It turned out to be ours.

We were the perfect Mormon family.  Church all day Sunday, except during general conference which I loved (no church).  MIA on Wednesday and activities all through the week.  We even fasted on Fast Sunday.  This means you give up two meals and donate what the meals would have cost to the poor.  What it really meant is that you have dinner at two.  And then there was the music.  It started in Primary with songs like “Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam”, and “It’s always fun when Grandma comes”.  Then it continues into Youth choirs and orchestras to Mo Tabs.   All the songs were written with a message and a lot of them were beautiful.  Kind of a brain washing theme but  some songs still make me cry.  My childhood and early adulthood were filled with very powerful music that I sang and listened too.

I miss being the best tenor in the section.

     I’m sure that Kristen will notice that the ski lift has no cable and Ida seems to be floating.  I didn’t take the picture OK!

One other significant memory is when I was four or five.  I decided after watching the Nut Cracker Ballet that I wanted to learn ballet.  Not because I was moved by the performance but I wanted to look like the male dancers.  I told my parents that I wanted to take ballet lessons and Dad quickly signed me up.  Dad would drive me clear across town and then hang out while I was taking lessons.  I learned very early on that I was not getting the tights and cup for a while and all I’d get were ballet shoes.  Talk about shattered dreams.

On one of our trips to ballet futility dad decided to go TV shopping.  While I was doing plie’s he was buying an RCA.  That following Saturday the huge walnut TV stereo console was delivered.  I think Mom was caught off guard because this was the first time and the last that I ever heard my parents yell at each other.  It was a big fight but I was watching Quick Draw McGraw in color for the first time.  Not even the parent fight as shocking as it was  could squelch my anticipation for Rocky and Bullwinkle.

I’m going to start with one of the biggest most defining moments in my life, my temple wedding.  I was 19 years old.  Sheila had turned 19 just days before.  We planned it that way.  18 is just way too young to get married.  Before a Mormon can get married in the temple they have to take out their endowments.  This is a ritual that allows you a straight shot to heaven, if you memorize the last part.  After we entered a gate from the street we were taken through an underground tunnel and ended up in what I thought was the basement of the Salt Lake Temple.  How very Nancy Drew.  I was in awe.  We ended up in a room that looked like a regular Mormon chapel.  We were asked how committed we were to actually going through with this and that now is the time to turn back.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  This is something I prepared and waited for all my life.  This was supposed to be the greatest thing I would ever go through.  Why would I want to back out?  Besides my whole family was there in support backing out was not an option.  The rest of the experience was deer in headlights.  It seemed to go on forever and continued to get more confusing.

The next day we went back early to do the wedding ceremony.  It was actually very nice if we overlook what we have to wear.  After that we took pictures on the steps of the temple.  Sheila was wearing a lovely brown sateen dress that I made for her.  We had very little time before we had to get back for the reception so we ran home to seal the deal.  Sheila didn’t know it but she had a job to do.  She needed to make me straight.  I was told by church counselors that having sex with a woman would make me straight.  It didn’t.  Now what?

This was just a couple of weeks later.  Don’t I look manly.  I also told Sheila to cut her mid back length hair so she would look more like Julie McCoy.

     The next morning we headed off to Sand Diego.  Because we’re old we don’t like to drive very far in a day so we did 6 hours and stopped for the night in Santa Barbara.  That’s a beautiful place.  We had a very…very mediocre dinner in a restaurant on the pier but the setting was amazing.  I didn’t take pictures.  The next day we drove to Crystal Pier where we were met by Chris and Andrea and the kids.  We had two beach cottages with full kitchens which to me meant “let’s cook”.  The kids played on the beach while I prepped dinner.  My boy’s half brother, Alex and his wife Lisa joined us.  We had a hella good time just hanging out.  At least Craig and I did.  We sang and played cards and Vivi made us all get a bag and comb the beach for garbage in honor of Earth Day.  It was so great to all be together and it was so nice to reconnect with Alex.  We had been estranged for a few years due to circumstances beyond either of our control.  His wife Lisa is adorable and added a great deal to our little group.

I’ve been a little melancholy  since our little reunion because I don’t think it will ever be duplicated.  Chris and Andrea are moving to Virginia this summer and because of my well known fear of flying (which is very real to me) and running a small business we probably wont be seeing them much.  Eric lives in Utah which makes thinking about visiting him a real challenge.  I’m still having dreams of being in Utah and not being able to come home.  Sorry Utahns.  That won’t keep us from seeing him just makes it harder to plan.  As far as Alex and Lisa I’d like to see them again along with my god daughter Cici (Alex’s sister) and her boy friend.  I Don’t Know Jr, the other brother but he’s certainly welcome to join in.

Now I will attempt to insert a slide show that ends very abruptly because I didn’t take enough pictures.

OK, the slide show won’t upload based on security reasons.  Blah Blah Blah.  What kind of bull is that.  It’s on my iPhone.  Oh well, here comes single pictures that I am going to have to dumb down to post.  Picture really creative music and media.  Hum your favorite song to yourself.

The pictures are too big and too many so I will get that slide show as god is my witness.

Still trying:

Screw it.  I’ve wasted a lot of time here and I’m frustrated and need a beer.  Maybe I’ll do the slide show on Facebook.

OK, CLICK HERE TO SEE THE SLIDE SHOW

It was especially exciting when I fixed and tuned the harpsichord that played at the engagement ball for Lydia and Vlad.  It was just before Lidia pushed her sister off of the second story landing for dancing with Vlad.  I had to fix the railing that broke.   And I did more dusting in the Haunted House of Mirrors than I do at home.  Oh my God…I am obsessed.

That being said I have always thought of how wonderful life would be if it were choreographed.  Wouldn’t it be great if you happened to be at the salvation army when the whole chapel broke into “Sit Down you’re Rockin the Boat”?  Maybe you’re in an old London bar and every one breaks into Oompah Pah.  Or lets say you decide to be a chimney sweep and you are lucky enough to end up on the dancing crew that does “Step in Time“.

I do sing at work and sometimes even dance a little.  Why don’t people join in?  I don’t get it.  It works on “Xanadu”.

I know flash mobs are getting a little passe but I still think they’re great.

So… on to the video.  Hope you enjoy and Thanks again Vern.

Me before.

Look at that neck and the saggy eye lids.  It’s surprising I’m allowed in public.

I look better already right?

The neck is done.  I think it’s fabulous.  Now for the eyebrows.

I think I look 20 years younger.  Craig seems to think I need a lawyer.  I’m not sure whether he means malpractice or divorce.  I think I’m stunning.  I just went on line and joined the Joan Rivers fan club.  I am having a hard time smiling.

That being said…I live with a sports nut.  My dear husband would rather sit on the couch and watch football all Sunday long than do any thing else.  It  gets even better if golf is on another  channel so he can flip back and forth.  For me the only thing worse than watching it is listening to it and why do all golf announcers have to be Australian.  Is the accent meant to make the commentary less annoying? 

When Craig and I met he was still rooting for BYU.  The same college that kicked him out for being gay.  Misplaced loyalty?  It took me years to break through that brainwash.  He does make more and more compromises for me as time goes by but he still sets the lap top on a chair next to him and puts on a sports channel so he can keep track of golf and football scores as we’re playing Cribbage.

Here come the pictures.  Does this look fun?

OK maybe that one does but how about this…

Ouch.  I guess for the millions they get paid they can put up with a little pain.  Besides, the fans love it when they bring out the stretcher.

This is a huge adrenalin rush.  don’t you think?

Then there are the stupid traditions that surprise them every time.

What’s next, Nascar and Curling?  I will draw the line.

This is who we tried to look like.  Jay got it as he answered the door.  There were drag queens at the party who tried to engage me as if I were one of them.  I couldn’t imagine it because we were so thrown together.  Not serious at all.  One thing that was unanimous is that I have great legs (for a girl). Oh joy.

What do you think.  I think Craig looks like Betty Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane and I look like my dads Cousin.  Do you like the new italics?  I have no idea how that happened but it’s pretty.

I obviously had a problem keeping my legs together but I had underwear and pantyhose.  It was real difficult going to the bathroom.  I understood why women go in pairs.  I was so uncomfortable and think that all men should have to do this to find out what women go through to get ready for anything.

The vodka bottles were a prop.  Just water and the crotch shots here are just a little much.

We were skinny when we smoked.